How to deal with a Narcissistic Mother In-law?

How to deal with a Narcissistic Mother In-law?

Many a times we meet people who will appear to be kind, gentle, fun, compassionate and loving. Even after a few meetings (like in the case of Arranged Marriages) one can never understand their personality or real motives. 

In the case of Arranged Marriages, the prospective bride or groom only gets to meet each others' families a few times before the wedding. While lost among the chaos created by shopping, relatives, functions, personal grooming sessions & simultaneously weaving dreams of a beautiful tomorrow, people usually overlook certain things that are like a warning sign from the guardian angels to warn about the havoc people are about to invite in their lives.

Some people pretend to be someone they aren't and many of us do not know how dangerous a mask can be. And the biggest support of a Narcissistic person is the mask thy keep wearing. Such people are everywhere – in our society, at our workplace, in our acquaintances and friend circle

Before moving ahead, let us just understand what does the word "Narcissistic" really mean?

It is basically a personality disorder, rather a mental disorder in which people have a magnified sense of self importance, a strong need to be admired and a complete lack of compassion for others. Studies say, behind this mask of ultra confidence, usually there is an extremely fragile self-esteem that is always vulnerable to the slightest of criticism. A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs. One may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they're not given the special favours or admiration they believe they deserve. Others may not enjoy being around them, and they may find their relationships fruitless.

When a girl marries a Narcissistic woman’s son, she does not even realize that she has stepped in hell because a NMIL (Narcissist Mother In-Law) is determined that she will rule you & make you unhappy. Many of these NMs have a close bond with their sons because they have psychologically played with the brains of their sons. This starts when the child was very young. The NM is stubborn, cruel and determined that she will forever possess her son and he cannot be shared with anyone, including his own wife.

The NMIL will always find faults with her DIL, talk about her in highly negative tones with other members of the family & that too in such a convincing way that turns them against the newly married DIL. The NMIL throws tantrums & tries her best and uses all of her craftiness and duplicity into her mission—to destroy this marriage. In some cases this works. The wife gives up as she has been isolated, insulted, lied about, tortured and abused. A NMIL may even phone her DIL’s workplace to destroy her reputation & will always sell lies about the poor young girl.

Being a woman in Men's world

Amidst all the clatter rattle about feminism and women rights, the basic chaos and questions remain the same!

What are we? One of the most beautiful creations of God, that was meant to spread love, happiness and teach the world compassion or just a mere object of desire to gratify the sexual senses of men?

I should look gorgeous because your eyes can feast on the curves of my body? I should look presentable so you can ogle at me anywhere, anytime? I should learn to say quiet in the crowded bus even when I can feel your fingers running over my body like a venomous scorpion trying to measure me! I should not go out of my house after it is dark because some of you may not be able to control your libido if I am alone! I should not stay out late as I might get raped because some of you are waiting like hungry wolves to attack someone like me!

Why all the “shoulds” should be imposed on me? What is my fault? Oh, I am sorry, I forgot, I should not even ask questions because that bothers you!

Do you even realize how difficult it is to ignore those lustful eyes and lewd remarks some of you pass when I step out of my house wearing my favourite dress gifted by my parents! 

Have you ever thought how it feels when I am stalked on roads, in malls and even on social media! 

Do you know how it hurts me to know that you do not respect me as a person, instead, I am just another object for you……. Born to make you happy…. To satisfy your insatiable yearnings!

No, you haven’t. Why would you? Who am I to you? 

You won’t give a damn if I was groped, humiliated, molested, slaughtered or strangled to death. Oh! Please don’t lie… So, does it really bother you? Really? So you are not one of “those” perverted kinds, right?

So, did you do something about the teenage girls who were attacked in West Bengal's Bankura district? Yes, Acid Attack.

Or about that 19-year-old girl from Adilabad district of Telangana who was hacked to death for allegedly refusing a marriage proposal?

Or about that  22-year-old school teacher who died after a man, whose marriage proposal she rejected, stabbed her more than 20 times on a busy road in north Delhi?

Or about the 21-year old pink city girl who had big dreams and was pursuing Masters in Fashion designing but was brutally murdered by a boy who could not take “NO” as an answer?

Leave aside doing something….. Did you even bother to raise your voice against all these gruesome crimes? No you didn’t……. None of you came forward……

And that is what my problem is….. Yesterday, it was them…. Today, it could be me and tomorrow…….? Will you accept and let that happen?

No… I don’t want any answers at all….…. If you really feel for women around you, please initiate a change! Be that change.

-Aditi Jain "Adaa"

आ गयी एक और रात

लो फिर आ गई एक और रात,
कुछ देर में चले आएंगे तुम्हारे ख्याल भी... 

सेहर होने तक यादों का पिटारा खुला रहेगा
और ये सिलसिला मुझे सोने नहीं देगा।

फिर सुबह मेरी सुर्ख आँखों पर तंज़ कसे जाएंगे
मेरे गालों पे सूखे आंसू भी निशाने पर आएंगे।
छुट्टी वाला इतवार फुरसत से तुम्हारी याद दिलाएगा
और कमबख्त उजाला मुझे रोने नहीं देगा।

-अदिति जैन 

बोलो कब कहां मिलोगे!

क्षितिज के पार, 
सुदूर गगन के किसी शांत कोने में 
उड़ते बादल पर

किसी वीराने में 
अंधेरों में खुद से डरते जर्जर हाल
खंडहर की मुंडेर पर

अपनी किरचों से
आँखों के कोनों को कुरेदते सपनों के दिए
ताज़ा घावों पर

या आँखों से झलकती
हृदय की गहराइयों से निकली अधरों पे खिली
मुस्कान पर

बोलो कब कहाँ मिलोगे?

-अदिति जैन 

सीरिया की औरत

“सीरिया की औरत”

मैं सीरिया की औरत हूँ लोगों,
न जाने किस गलती की सज़ा भुगतती हूँ...


रक़्क़ा की गलियों से निकलकर
अलेप्पो तक मैं आई थी,
कुछ ख्वाब सुहाने मोहब्बत के
कुछ रंग हिना के लाई थी।


हाल मेरा बेहाल है अब,
माज़ी मुझपे हंसता है,
आने वाला मुस्तक़बिल,
एक खौफ़ भरा सपना लगता है।


इश्क़ मेरा ख़ून में सनकर
जब इक दिन घर को आया था,
अपने लख़्तेजिगर की ख़ातिर हमने
किया अपना ही मुल्क़ पराया था।


बकलावा, दावूद-बाशा खाता था
आज सूखी रोटी को तरसता है,
ज़िन्दगी तक पहुँचने की ज़िद में
रोज़ इक आयलान कुर्दी यहां मरता है।


हर लम्हा साँसों के ज़रिये
बारूद के ज़हरीले कश लेती हूँ              
आसमान में उड़ते धुएं की कालिख
अपनी आंखों में भर लेती हूँ।


फ़रात के ठन्डे पानी में, 

घुलते सुर्ख़ लहू को देखती हूँ,

बैरेल बम के धमाकों में 

टूटते घर और कुछ लोथड़े देखती हूँ। 

बदलेंगे ये मंज़र भी कभी, सोचती हूँ, उम्मीद रखती हूँ 

आप सोच नहीं सकते जो हालात, मैं रोज़ उन्हें जी जाती हूँ,                                  

ज़ब्त बहोत करती हूँ मैं, होठों से कुछ नहीं कहती हूँ, 

मैं सीरिया की औरत हूँ लोगों,
ना जाने किस ग़लती की सज़ा भुगतती हूँ। 

--अदिति जैन